This is why I don’t like feelings. It fucks you up. You know what? Fuck friendships and being social. It’s too much for me. I can’t handle it. I’m so much better at being alone. I miss not feeling. I miss neutrality. I miss not thinking.

I’m so insecure with my weight that I barely eat these days. I try really hard not to binge eat so that I don’t throw up. But it doesn’t matter how less I eat, i still freaking throw up. I know i’m already losing weight but the thing is i haven’t lost enough. Just last night, not even a minute has gone on Skype with my friend and he already told me that i was so fat. So i ended the call and well, ate. Fuck this. Fuck everything.

February 16, 2014

Soooo I lost 4 lbs in a week. I did nothing but lie around. And I think I even ate more than usual because my parents keep on making me eat. I haven’t thrown up because they make me take my meds right after I eat and i honestly like my meds so.. Yeah. It makes me calm. That’s why i like it.

February 11, 2014